Wherever You Are
by HaloGatomon
Summary: My very first Star Wars fic, yay! Well it's a song fic, but it's a start! Obi-Wan's thoughts and feelings after the death of Qui-Gon, a short and sweet fic written for a very good friend of mine. Please read and reply!


Disclaimer ~ As much as I'd love to (or my friend Ty would love to), I don't own Star Wars (neither does Ty). I also don't own the song used in this fic.  
  
Author's Note ~ I beg you, please be kind with reviews. This is my very first Star Wars fic and I'm not a huge fan of it, as I know most people are. I am doing this fic purely for my friend, Ty (aka Prince Tyler Briefs). Ty is one of my best friends and she absolutely LOVES Star Wars, especially Episode 1. Ty, I know you've been feeling down lately, what with tonnes of school work and missing Sikana (one of Ty's very good friends who moved away recently), so Ty I did this just for you to cheer you up since I hate seeing you low. I hope you like it! ^-^  
  
  
Dedicated to Ty.  
  
  
  
Star Wars  
  
  
Wherever You Are  
  
  
By Halo Son  
  
  
  
  
Come out moon  
Come out wishing star  
Come out  
Come out  
Wherever you are  
  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi stared up at the dark sky, only lit up by the shining dots of the stars and the beams of the pale moon that fell upon anything within their reach. There wasn't much else he could do, except reflect on the past. His mind kept reeling over the events of what had happened earlier that day. Each time he remembered, more tears fell from his eyes and stained his face, little wonder the droplets of silver never ceased to be shed.  
And after each flashback, he found himself asking the same question over and over again.  
  
Why? Why?  
  
  
I'm alone here in the dark  
All alone and wide awake  
Come and find me  
I'm empty and I'm cold   
And my heart is about to break   
Come and find me  
  
  
Obi-Wan shivered as a strong and very cold breeze of wind brushed past him, touching him with dagger-like sharpness, crooked fingers of air clinging on to him for as long as was possible, leaving a bitter trail of it's presence. He almost whimpered as the freezing caress left him; it hurt him. Yes it hurt him, most things did now. He had felt that coldness before, when he held his master.  
Qui-Gon, his Jedi master.  
Oh but he was much, much more than just a master. He was his teacher and his friend. He loved him like a son would love a father and he knew Qui-Gon viewed him like a son. The bond they both shared was unlike anything Obi-Wan had ever felt before and he cherished all the times he spent with his master, both the good and the bad. It stretched much further than ever thought possible; it was strong, it was unique, it would never be broken.  
So then why? Why?  
  
"How many more time will I ask myself that?" Obi-Wan asked to the stars. "Knowing I can't give an answer, why do I ask it? Why does it plague my mind?"  
  
Fresh tears came to his eyes. He tried to blink them back, but they easily spilled over and ran down his face, leaving a trail of regret, of sorrow, of guilt.  
  
"Oh master, why?"  
  
  
I need you to come here and find me  
Cause without you I'm totally lost  
Of hunger- wish on every star  
It hasn't done much good so far   
I can only dream of you  
Wherever you are  
  
  
Obi-Wan shifted in his sitting position and leaned further against the tree. He quickly brushed his tears aside with the back of his hand then wrapped his robes right around his body, shivering yet again in the cold night air. His head fell back against the tree trunk and he found his gaze look back up to the stars above. He listened to his heartbeat pounding in his chest. No matter how much he tried he could not get it too calm down.   
How could he?  
He had become a lost his beloved master, become a Jedi Knight and gained a padawan all in one day. He didn't feel like a Jedi master, he didn't feel like Obi-Wan, he didn't feel like anything. He was numb all over, not from the cold but from the shock.   
He wished it was him that had died and not Qui-Gon. Oh how he wished that he could've done something, anything to save his master from the clutched of death.  
But wishing and thinking and dreaming wasn't going to bring him back.   
  
  
I'll hear you laugh  
I'll see you smile  
I'll be with you just for a while  
But when the morning comes  
And the sun begins to rise  
I'll lose you  
  
  
"Promise me…you will train the boy…"  
  
Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut as his master's last words flooded into his mind.   
  
"He is…the chosen one…"  
  
Obi-Wan had promised Qui-Gon to train Anakin Skywalker before he died. He had meant that promise with all his heart, but he didn't know how. He left so lost, so alone, so…abandoned?  
Yes he couldn't deny it, he felt abandoned.  
When the council had denied permission for Anakin to be trained as a Jedi, Qui-Gon had declared he would train the boy himself, saying Obi-Wan was ready for the trials ahead.   
But in that moment, though Obi-Wan had accepted what his master said without a spoken word, he felt his heart drop. He felt like he had been tossed aside to make room for the boy. He had felt forgotten. That had hurt him badly and deeply, but still he said nothing.   
He wished not to upset his master and kept his feelings to himself. He had felt anger towards his master and to Anakin, even Qui-Gon's last words had been about the boy, no caring words about him had been spoken in that moment. But now he felt guilty. A terrible guilt rested upon his shoulders now, for feeling anger towards Qui-Gon and towards, his now padawan, Anakin. He still did feel a little anger towards the boy and that made the guilt worse. Before he had felt betrayed, but now he felt like he had betrayed his master.  
The rush of different emotions engulfed him like a giant ocean wave and he swallowed hard as yet another batch of tears fell from his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry master."   
  
  
Because it's just a dream  
When I open up my eyes  
I'll lose you  
  
  
'He would've spoken about you had there been more time. But he knew death was taking him and he wanted the boy's future assured. He would've if he could've.'  
  
Obi-Wan always thought that to reassure himself, to try and rid himself of the bitter feelings, yet they persisted and would not realise him from their grip around his heart. The feeling all those twisted emotions gave him made him feel dreadfully sick.  
He dared not close his eyes or go to sleep, for the fear of dreaming of his master, knowing he would have to wake up sometime and lose him once more to continue living another day. His body ached and wished for sleep, but the mind would not allow it.  
Oh how he wished he could hear his master's voice. How he wished he would turn around and see him there, standing behind him with that warming smile. How he wished he could bury his face in his chest and feel his steady heartbeat.  
But it wasn't to be, not anymore.  
He was gone.  
  
  
I use to believe in forever  
But forever is too good to be true  
Of hunger- wish on every star  
It hasn't done much good so far   
  
  
Taking a deep and shaky breath, Obi-Wan stared upon the twinkle dots in the sky and watched them, if only to make one last call to his master, wherever he was.  
  
"Master, I am sorry I have let you down. I am sorry for the times I have argued with you and angered you, I hope you know I didn't mean it."  
  
Gritting his teeth has sobs wracked his body, he focused on what he was saying, determined with sheer strength he would speak these last words into this night before it died.  
  
"I am sorry for the times I have failed you and disappointed you. I am sorry for feeling anger and betrayal towards you. I know you cared, I just hope you know I cared too, with all my heart I did and I still do. You may be gone master, but death won't ever stop me loving you like a father, because you meant more to be than just a master, you mean to me more than words can ever say. But this time master, I will not let you down, I will not fail you. I will train Anakin as I promised you. Wherever you are master Qui-Gon, I hope you can hear me."  
  
Then whether he liked it or not, sleep claimed him.  
  
  
I don't know what else to do  
Except to try to dream of you  
And wonder if you are dreaming too  
Wherever you are  
  
  
Under the tall tree, wrapped in silken and pale moonlight, Obi-Wan slept leaning against the large tree trunk. Anakin, having woken up earlier and got worried for his master's presence and came looking for him, was sleeping next to him, his head and one arm resting gently upon Obi-Wan's chest, rising and falling with the breathing rhythm.  
And like so many times before, another cold breeze swept past both master and padawan; Obi-Wan shivered from it unconsciously in his sleep.   
Then, he felt another sensation, but it wasn't a chilling one, quite the opposite.   
It felt warm…it felt comforting…it felt familiar.  
A small smile played upon Obi-Wan's lips and he muttered a whisper of thanks to the presence.  
A gentle hand brushed Obi-Wan's hair from his face and followed the path the tears had taken down his face, wiping them away.  
Then a person's head leaned down and kissed Obi-Wan's forehead softly with a feather-like touch and the hand now stroked his cheek.  
  
"Do not be sad Obi-Wan Kenobi. Always remember that I am in the force and the force is always with you and it always will be, forever. I know you cared, you must know I cared too. You were right you know; I would've told you if I could and I'm sorry I didn't, but I am telling you now. You never failed me Obi-Wan, you never let me down and you always made up for you mistakes. I am so very proud of you. Dry your tears Obi-Wan and look to the future. I know you will train Anakin well. I love you Obi-Wan, my son, padawan mine."  
  
  
Wherever you are 


End file.
